TASHY DID - A LIFE
Hey kids, grand-kids, and any other nosey people who are reading these pages, this is for you to read now or sometime in the future. It may tell you a little
about how life was 60 or so years ago and rather more about me. Why am I doing it?
In the years after my father's death, way back in 1981, I kept thinking of things I wished I'd talked to him about. After my mother's death, just over
thirteen years later, there was less of a knowledge-vacuum because mother talked more about her past.
Just recently, my daughter and I unearthed my mother's diaries which went back to 1929, when she was just 13 years old. This reminded me of the 1998
incident with my 6 year old and I decided to put down here the story of my life so my children and grandchildren could, if they wished, read about what I had done. I would use my
memory and those diaries to build a picture from 1949 to the present day and add some personal observations.
So, here we go. Each week we will have a new year with preceding weeks being archived. In the first few years, as I will have less to say, probably, I will
add some info about your grandparents and their parents.
1985
By the beginning of this year we knew we would both take a year off work, take the children out of school and travel around the UK. Eventually we decided to make the journey a trip around the entire coastline. It would last a year and begin in June. Before that much had to be done. First we had to finance it. Fortunately the house I had bought in 1975 for £10,000 was now worth £35,000 and what else could I do with that money. Don't answer, you'll spoil a dream. I put the house on the market, got the price I needed and it sold in early May. We them found a rental property for six weeks till we set off.
Then we needed to find out about taking the children out of school. In those days your head was not put on traitors' gate if you felt the need to do so although a whole year was a long time. The head of their school agreed he would take them back on our return and suggested they keep a scrapbook of the trip. In the end they did far more than that as you will see. The most important thing for me was to be able to find employment when I returned. It would be useful if my wife had a job too but she had never had a full-time job since our daughter was born in 1974 so I knew we could manage on just my earnings. Fortunately one of the clients of the company I was working for was setting up their own scheme in July 1986 and it was agreed they would employ me as the Head of Training from that date. Furthermore my present company, once they were told, agreed to give me some writing jobs as we travelled so we would not be devoid of income.
Obviously all these were minor when set up against the problem of telling my mother. Her only son would be taking her only grandchildren out of her sight (read control) for a year. We pointed out that we would be back for a week in September, three weeks at Christmas and again from Easter but she was not impressed. The fact that she would not see her daughter-in-law wasn't mentioned. They had never got on well, rubbed each other up completely the wrong way, and caused me no end of stress trying to balance a life between them. Just before we left, mother became even more distraught when she discovered that my sister, who lived at home with mother, had bought her own house, totally in secret. We discovered this as she offered it to us to stay in on our short visits home, saying she would not be moving in till the summer of 1986.
The relationship between my mother and my sister was never really good. My sister felt mother tried to have too much influence over her while mother felt my sister kept things from her and deliberately lied to her. I cannot say how much of this was true, people always seem to remember events slightly differently, but, as I have said before, I always felt honesty with mother was better than deceit even if it meant she sometimes had things to complain about. Several years ago, when my sister gave me mothers; old desk and I decided to organise and tidy it, I found notes hidden under backing paper which showed how hurt mother had been by my sister's behaviour.
My working life deteriorated even further in April. My boss had asked my advice about a possible tutor in South Essex. I felt the woman was unsuited for the job, the trainees would run rings round her and it would be a disaster. She appointed the woman. A week later I was rung up early one morning and asked to go down to Brentwood as the woman had quit saying she couldn't cope. I suddenly had a bad cold. I think it was pretty obvious to everyone why the cold came on and the end result was that I was now given different duties, a different office to work in and my boss and I didn't speak again till I left in late June. Needless to say, my wife, who had started work there part-time in September of the previous year, remained on good terms with the woman. OK, I was stubborn but why ask someone their opinion and then, behind their back (she never told me she was appointing this woman until it was a fait accompli) ignore it. In my view, when the woman failed the boss should have gone down to clear up the mess and not use others. I suppose her riding along on one of my ideas the previous year still rankled.
In late June we set off on our journey around the coast. We had bought a motor home as emergency accommodation but the plans were to stay in holiday accommodation, most of which was booked in advance. Each day was to be fairly structured. We would travel between accommodations on Saturday, settle in on the Sunday and have a look around locally. Monday was for shopping, washing and some sight seeing, Tuesday a full day out, Wednesday an afternoon out, Thursday a day in the accommodation, and Friday the morning out. The children were to be given planned lessons on Monday morning, Wednesday morning, Thursday and Friday afternoon. My wife supervised most of these.
We decided not to travel alone for several reasons and I admit these were mine. Firstly I was concerned that if we were in some remote area and one of us have an accident, what would happen to the children if the other needed to go for help. Secondly, the work I had agreed to do involved sending typed resources back to Cambridge on a regular basis and I wasn't the world's best typist. Thirdly I thought it would be good for the children to have a different input to some of their lessons and not just always be with us. We both agreed that one person could end up feeling lonely, we were the family unit, so we eventually took two young people with us. Both had been trainees that either my wife or I had taught and both had specific and useful skills. One was a very good typist and could even do shorthand; the other was an artist and would plan and oversee these elements of the children's work while also illustrating the Chunkle Books that I had written a few years back.
There was one other, very important, reason I wanted someone else although this came about after we had made the decision. I wanted to keep in touch, regularly, with mother. To be honest I was a little worried about her, especially once she had discovered the news from my sister. In those days there were no mobile phones. I would have had to find a phone box each week and phone mother but she and I also agreed that I would write a sort of weekly blog and post it to her so that, not only could she know how we all were but also let her know something about places around the coast she had visited in her life.
However I knew I would have a major problem with my wife if I kept in contact with mother. Maybe I was paranoid but I certainly had previous experiences to call on to substantiate my feelings. I didn't want the whole trip to be full of arguments about my relationship wth my mother that I knew my wife resented so I hit upon an idea which, probably, in the long run caused even more problems but it is easy to be wise after the event. I spoke to the young lady who was coming along to do my typing and explained some of the situation to her. It was agreed that she would, each week, type up notes I would make about our journey, ostensibly for a future publication. However, each week, she would take these notes and post them, secretly, to mother. Yes, I was being deceitful to my wife; my argument now is that the way people treat you depends on how you treat them. In other words, my wife brought this on herself. That doesn't mean I was right.
The other effect was that it did bring me closer to this young lady with whom I could share more things. There were a couple of occasions, perhaps a few more, when she went off on her own and made a quick call to mother, letting her know all was fine. Again, not sensible but it happened. Each person will have a different opinion as to why it didst work. All I can do here is give you mine and the necessary facts.
I don't intend to cover any of the trip here, there may be a separate section on my website for that later. Suffice it to say that we completed the trip but it wasn't as I had hoped in terms of relationships although it far exceeded my dreams when it came to the actual journey and all that we saw. In Berwick-on-Tweed I learned of the death of my uncle and godparent. He hadn't seemed that ill when we left some six weeks earlier but, like father, his death came quickly. He was only 63.
We returned home in September as planned, stayed at my sister's house and did the same over Christmas. The atmosphere between mother and sister was uncomfortable but that had been the case, on and off, since father's death.
Four photos from the trip, all, I think, taken by my 8 year old son. You will read what happened to my photos later. Clockwise, from top left, the travelling group less my son, a beautiful cottage we stayed at in Hartland Point; our Welsh visit coincided with that year's RAC Rally, how could I resist, and finally a tree of rags somewhere near the Isle of Cromarty.
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